The Pope is sitting at his desk at the Vatican, wondering what’s missing in his tenure. He’s realising that he’s old and he was made pope relatively late in his life. He will not find the time or the occasion to leave a legacy. He sees Barak Obama and his years as president of the USA and finds that there are many parallels in their lives, but the one unifying factor is that both were destined to lose from the beginning of their tenures for very different reasons. At least Obama will be remembered for being the first black president of the United States.

Obama followed one of the worst presidents in the history of the USA, so there was no way he could get the country out of the mess he found it in without making a lot of enemies. Pope Benedict, on the other hand, followed one of the most loved popes in recent history. Pope John Paul II spent a long span of years on the throne of the Catholic church. He was a pope who was loved by most, even though he saw the church go through the revelation of some of its biggest scandals in history.

So he sits back and thinks:

What did the popes of old do? Hmm…

They converted people to Christianity one way or another. A war or two seemed to keep George W. Bush in power for his second term; and no one will be forgetting him any time soon. It might also be what is needed to keep the church on TV for reasons other than out of court settlements.

What did we do to start crusades? Well, first of all we identified places which needed saving from the Muslim threat. We can’t touch the Muslims now though, that would be politically incorrect. This time we could, however take a look at something more dramatic and try to convert the Chinese to Christianity. They could surely do with it.

So that is sorted. Next, who could help us? Most of the active monarchies in catholic countries have been overthrown. Look at what the French did to theirs – now what can we do? Hmm… think outside the box. The English monarchy is still active, we should get them to help us, they were always eager to help us fight wars in the past.

So he grabs the phone and gives the Queen a quick call. He explains the situation quickly,  giving her the lowdown of why it would be crucial to convert the Chinese to Christianity. She accepts, nearly far too easily. She explains that she had been worrying about the Chinese threat to the western world but had never thought of a way of bringing the matter up. She says that since the religion card worked well for her ancestors, there is no reason it should not work again.

Her next step: Rounding up the people to plan and lead the war.

What did her precursors do when they were going to war? They set up a war council and then called the knights to duty. Her knights would then bring their men along to battle.

She grabs the phone and asks her secretary to put her in contact with Sir Elton John, Sir Paul McCartney and Sir Alex Ferguson…

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(#41 of 366 X 2012 project)

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This is my first stab at something close to fiction. I’m not really sure whether it works or not, so would appreciate feedback if possible. No offense to anyone/anything is intended.